There are times in life when we really need our friends. Parties and barbecues are nice. But in times of loss and grief – that’s when we really count on our friends being there for us.
I know for me, I treasure with great clarity, the faces, compassion, hugs and meaningful words offered during those times. But mostly, it was their presence that made the difference at times like that – family, friends and others who “show up.”
Mary and Martha had lost their beloved brother Lazarus. Part of their grief of course was for their brother; but they also wondered where their good friend Jesus was. Now his timing had a purpose but he does show up. After all, Jesus was and is God in the flesh – the God that showed up so to speak. And because he showed up we can view him as a friend – still divine, still the savior – but yes a friend. And not just any friend…
So I want to briefly show you Jesus’ friend qualities in this story of comforting his grieving friends.
1. He comes to us and He shows up – Jesus’ timing may be off – see the rest of the story of John 11. But still he is there. There is no replacement for presence. Email, calls, text messages, notes, etc. all are nice, but being present, showing up even when we don’t want to can make all the difference. And if you know the rest of the story, Jesus’ presence changes everything from comforting Mary and Martha to resurrecting Lazarus and bringing awe to everyone there. Thanks to the Holy Spirit, Jesus is still, always with us!
2. Jesus gets personal. He tells Martha that her brother will rise again and she responds with a “Sunday School” or “religious” answer. She agrees saying that Lazarus along with others will rise at the end of time. Jesus responds by saying, “I am the resurrection and the life…” He puts it in the present and he pivots her religious answer to a personal one – the resurrection is right in front of you – in the flesh, in person. It’s such an important thing to see and grasp. One of the main points of Jesus coming was to be incarnate so that we could have a real and personal relationship with God through the person of Jesus. This is why his answer is so important to Martha and to us – trust in Jesus first – then theology. Have a relationship with Jesus first – He is the resurrection – not church, not rituals – Jesus. Likewise for us, when friends are grieving – just love them – there is no need to say things like “it was God’s will” or other things like that.
3. Jesus listens. Jesus listens to Mary and Martha tell him over and over, “If only you had been here, Lazarus would not have died.” And note how he doesn’t get defensive or mad. He doesn’t walk away. He hears and receives it. It reminds me a line from U2’s song, “Stay” which goes, “And if you shout, I’ll only hear you.” It, like Jesus, means that you can shout, you can accuse and complain but I will just listen and hear you. That’s solid friendship. How are we at listening in general, let alone this kind of listening? What, I am sorry; I was checking my IPod LOL. We are very distracted. Listening takes presence, concentration and effort. Jesus listens to Mary and Martha and then responds…
4. Jesus is compassionate – visibly compassionate. It says twice in this story that he is greatly moved and disturbed. This is also the story that contains the verse, “Jesus wept.” Think about that – he weeps. The Word became flesh weeps. He knows and understands grief and loss. And he is okay with sharing that with others. That makes a huge difference. Too often, we don’t show compassion to others – it makes us feel emotions, which is complicated in itself and then it also makes us feel vulnerable – which is difficult too. At the same time though, visibly communicating compassion is transforming – it cuts through numbness – and it immensely comforting. I remember at my mother’s visitation, this woman who had been a good friend of my mom’s walked in and toward my brother and me and just burst into tears and fell into our arms. For me, it showed how much my mom meant to her and we were able to comfort her. Jesus’ example of feeling and weeping doesn’t make him wimpy! It reminds us that he was human, that he cared and that he felt deeply about his friends.
5. Jesus points his friends to God. Any good friend is going to point us to God. “To love someone is to help them love God,” wrote Soren Kierkegaard. Jesus is God and in this story through his prayer and actions – gives glory to and evidence of God’s power and glory. He helped many people love God that day! Likewise when we are friends – in good times and in times of grief and loss – we should be pointing people to God.
These five examples, Jesus – comes to us and shows up; gets personal; listens; is compassionate; and points others to God – are great illustrations of who Jesus is and was; but they are also reminders of a great example to follow in our friendships.
Maybe you are going through a tough time tonight – or maybe you know someone who is. Maybe you feel like you don’t have any real friends to turn to. Please know and remember this – what a friend we have in Jesus – “all our sins and griefs to bear…can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?…in his arms he’ll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.”
Amen!
Rev. Christopher B. Wolf
Isaiah 42:7
Christopher B. Wolf is pastor of First Reformed Church of Saddle Brook, New Jersey. He is the author of Giving Faith a Second Chance: Restarts, Mulligans and Do-Overs (2007) and the forthcoming, With You Every Step of the Way (2011).
“It is a matter of sharing and bearing the pain and puzzlement of the world so that the crucified love of God in Christ may be brought to bear healingly upon the world at exactly that point.” N.T. Wright
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