Stuck

Hello! Here is this week’s Living Water. This is a remix of Sunday’s message. Great news – whether you have a pc or a mac you can listen to Walk With Me live on Wednesday nights – 8 pm on http://www.yfnradio.com. We also have just added several new affiliates around the nation. Thanks be to God! Christopher

Feeling stuck today?

Maybe you feel stuck at a job; in a relationship; in a rut or routine that’s not helping; in an addiction; in a spiritual valley; at an organization or group?

You’ve thought about getting out but it never happens. Something else always comes up; rationalizations and compromises are made.

Are you haunted by, or overly attached to the past? Do you often wish or even exist as if the past was great and anything present or new just doesn’t match up?

Or do you avoid thinking about the past altogether because it’s too painful or shameful?

Deep down you know something is not right…

Stay and fight for a solution? Start over? They sound good but seem impossible.

What about something new altogether? That’s it! But a new start…scary.

Let it go (even though you’ve tried so many times before)?

Still stuck, right?

Stuck in the middle between old and new; comfortable and reaching; liking and loving; numbed and compassionate; circling and devoted.

Though stuck may feel safe – it’s not truly alive.

Let’s talk about why we get stuck and how we might get un-stuck.

Here are some ways we get stuck: Denial (“It’s not really over,” and “It never happened” and “I don’t have a problem”) and Pride (“It’s not going/ending the way I want it to”) and Fear (“What will a new beginning be like; who will I be if ____ ends, or I let go?”). All of these together point to something we all wrestle with – avoiding truth, reality, endings and losing control. To make things worse, I cringe when I hear the phrases, “just move on” and “swept under the rug” because they don’t work and cause even more damage beyond being stuck.

As you might imagine, truly getting unstuck might have something to do with shifts on these two – avoiding endings and losing control. Professor Walter Brueggemann explains it as, speaking from a Biblical and spiritual perspective, “only embraced endings permit new beginnings.” Not partial, not hints of endings or temporary ones – only embraced endings.

And he’s right. The Bible is filled with only embraced endings enabling new beginnings. The cross is the ultimate embraced ending…Jesus willingly went to the cross (ending) so that the dominion of sin and death could end and the resurrection and new life would occur. But also, in Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:18) in which the son decided to return to his father and repent.

Listen to the words of Psalm 32 that is the voice of stuck to unstuck spiritually speaking, “While I kept silent, my bones wasted away…Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity…and you forgave the guilt of my sin… (Psalm 32:3, 5).” Do you see it? Suffering, strife while in denial or proud or afraid; then acknowledging the truth, embracing the need for God’s grace – new beginning – living forgiven.

Keep in mind, the “new” has already come – Jesus announced that the kingdom “has come near (Mark 1:15).” And in 2 Corinthians 5:17 we hear, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new has come.” So the denial, pride and fear can’t keep the new in anything from materializing (this is a key part of the Gospel). It’s whether or not we are going to engage it by first embracing whatever the appropriate ending is. And frankly when we are not engaged with the new that God is doing (which will always be life-giving), we are usually embracing things that are dying or of death.

So I want to say very lovingly to many of you today that yes it happened and it was awful and it was not your fault. I want to say lovingly that the guilt you carry from what you have done in the past is crushing and suffocating you. I want to lovingly say that there is a problem but you don’t have to suffer under it anymore. I am lovingly saying that you will still be you, in fact a more wonderful you than you have ever known. You know, “we are as sick as our secrets” and I am saying lovingly that all the pretending, denying, pride and fear are only hurting you and keeping you from the goodness and grace God wants to and is ready to pour out on your heart and soul. The irony of course is that to welcome and receive that healing and restoration, you have to embrace the truth of what has happened, what you’ve done, what you can’t control anymore, and what you fear; and it is in that embrace that it’s or their power over you will end and the healing and new beginning can begin.

Maybe it starts like this, “To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God…Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love for they are from of old…Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord (Psalm 25:1, 6-7).”

And when you lift up your soul and trust in Him above everything and everyone else, and He supplies you with the strength to embrace whatever ending you need to embrace today, He will absolutely be remembering you according to His love and grace. Then you’ll see that those dreams that seemed so far away will be as close as a whispered prayer. Those dreams of forgiveness and restored relationships, those dreams of getting clean or sober, those dreams of being free of guilt and the expectations of others, those dreams of being and feeling loved unconditionally, those dreams of living fearlessly and purposefully, those dreams of the past being the past, those dreams of no longer being defined by past events or decisions, those dreams of having a future with hope, those dreams of finally more fully experiencing the joy and peace of God’s presence.

Amen.

Rev. Christopher B. Wolf

Isaiah 42:7

cbrianwolf@gmail.com

http://www.christopherbwolf.com

Christopher B. Wolf is pastor of First Reformed Church of Saddle Brook and is the author of Giving Faith a Second Chance: Restarts, Mulligans and Do-Overs (2007) and With You Every Step of the Way; and the host of Walk With Me, Wednesdays 8 pm on WYFN 94.9 FM-NY and on http://www.yfnradio.com.

“It is a matter of sharing and bearing the pain and puzzlement of the world so that the crucified love of God in Christ may be brought to bear healingly upon the world at exactly that point.
N.T. Wright

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Heart Portrait

As you may know, my family’s cardiac history is not great. So my alarmed primary care doctor sent me to a cardiologist. After the consultation, even the cardiologist was concerned – wanting to make sure I am not a “time bomb”. So they decided to do an immediate echocardiogram – taking pictures of my heart. Don’t worry, the echocardiogram revealed a typical 41 year old heart with no apparent blockages. The analysis of the pictures seemed to include measurements of atria and ventricles as well as the speed of blood flowing through them – all key stuff I am sure to cardiologists and patients. But while I was laying there listening, I kept thinking of the idea of what does God see when He looks at my heart?

 

I am pretty sure the echocardiogram, while very perceptive in its own right, did not pick up on the spiritual state of my heart. Instead, as Psalm 139:23 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart.”

 

Hopefully, the Lord finds some of the following:

 

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).” Meaning that through faith in Christ – the hardness and stubbornness and pride are fading and my heart is becoming more pliable and flexible and responsive to God’s ways over my ways. Very interesting that hardness of heart spiritually and hardness of heart physiologically (arteriosclerosis) are both destructive.

 

Because, the kind of heart God is interested in, the kind of heart He can really work with is, “The sacrifices (worthy worship) of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise (Psalm 51:17).” Though I am sinner, may God, through the Holy Spirit, also find a growing humility, repentance and contrition for those times when my heart is turned away from God. But also for those times when life has broken my heart, may I see the loving stitches from the hand of God sewing it back together. A heart that looks more and more like a vessel that is willing to be used and poured out for God’s Kingdom and for others.

 

So that more and more, “Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above (Colossians 3:1).” As our walk with Christ lengthens and deepens, our focus is less on the world and more on “things above” – in other words, on God’s priorities, on accumulating treasure in heaven rather than on earth, and on eternal thing rather than temporary stuff.

 

Then I can be better equipped to “…love one another deeply, from the heart (1 Peter 1:22).” I don’t always get it right, but so often, my heart overflows with love for others. A sacrificial love that desires to give hope, healing and grace to as many people as I can reach and touch.

 

Perhaps more than anything else about our lives, the Lord is concerned with the state of our hearts – our spiritual heart health. Clearly, God is not looking for perfect hearts – they don’t exist. But by the Word, God’s “TheoCardioGram” is looking for – hearts that belong to Him and that continuously try to make more room for Him by clearing away sin and obstacles; a heart that is broken by sin and life but is always being renewed and knows a joy and peace that nothing in this world can take away; a heart that is increasingly focused on the things of God; and a heart that is loving others richly and deeply and freely so that they will come to know God’s heart.

 

If your TheoCardioGram comes back in good shape – that’s great! If you are concerned about the spiritual state of your heart – no worries – God’s great heart and hands can reach, restore and renew the hardest, coldest, most broken hearts. Better than stents and surgeries and statins and other therapies – ask Him in prayer this very moment about your heart and His “therapy” can start immediately!

 

Amen.

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In The Broken Places

The headline last week read, “Lower Manhattan Thriving After 9/11, Study Says,” and the story talked about how it’s “back and better than ever” pointing to population, economic and other growth.

 

At first I thought, “That’s great!” And then I remembered a few things and it made even more sense…

 

One of the best parts of my all-time favorite novel, A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway goes, “If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places…” Strong at the broken places. Lower Manhattan Thriving After 9/11.

 

Then I remembered, “But he (God) said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).”

 

Strong at the broken places. Lower Manhattan Thriving After 9/11. For when I am weak, then I am strong…

 

We know these are true. We’ve seen it many times. And yet, we are so used to avoiding our broken places – they make us uncomfortable, they can make us feel ashamed – we just want them to go away! We put a lot of effort to cover, hide, and numb them – not to much success though. I think part of the math is that if we “go there” to the broken places, we are just going to become more broken. But…

 

Strong at the broken places. Lower Manhattan Thriving after 9/11. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

It doesn’t help that we often think of “saints” as people who don’t have any broken places. I don’t think I ever thought that way, but I really don’t now. The most beautiful faith stories are the ones in which people saw the truth of their broken places, named them, let God in to heal them and then used that healing to comfort others. That’s the real deal! People who operate as if they have no broken places and who don’t need God or others are usually in the most pain and will only end up harming themselves even worse.

 

I know you and I have our broken places. Real and painful. Some are because of loss and grief. Some are because of being harmed or abused. Some are because we made destructive decisions. Some are because we are addicted. Some are because we are separated or divorced. Some are because of dysfunctional relationships. Some are because of a lost job or career. Some are because of heartbreak and losing heart. There is so much brokenness in our lives and in this world! Oh, how I wish it weren’t like this! But all I can tell you is how God works – works through – not around – all the brokenness. And, He often meets us most powerfully, most obviously, and most vividly at our broken places…

 

Strong at the broken places. Lower Manhattan Thriving after 9/11. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

If you are waiting for everything to go back to normal, if you are waiting to wake up as if it were all a dream, if you are waiting until you are better or “more together” – that may not work nor may not happen. But please know you already have everything you need for God’s healing and restoration to begin…

 

It doesn’t end at our broken places; it begins.

 

Amen!

 

PS – And I would go there with you if you needed me to…

 

 

 

Rev. Christopher B. Wolf

Isaiah 42:7

cbrianwolf@gmail.com

www.christopherbwolf.com

 

Christopher B. Wolf is the author of Giving Faith a Second Chance: Restarts, Mulligans and Do-Overs (2007) and the forthcoming, With You: Every Step of the Way (September, 2011).

 

“It is a matter of sharing and bearing the pain and puzzlement of the world so that the crucified love of God in Christ may be brought to bear healingly upon the world at exactly that point.” N.T. Wright

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Fear Factor

It’s a tale of two houses.

 

Some see it as “God’s House.” Some see it as a Haunted House.

 

Many see it and think “home.” Many see it and think, “You’re not welcome.”

 

A lot of people see it as a place of acceptance. A lot of people see it as a place of intolerance and hypocrisy.

 

Church.

 

“You know, Christopher, church is a scary place,” Karen said last week with all seriousness. 

 

And she goes to church nearly every week.

 

So, what can make church be a scary place?

 

Judgment and condemnation are part of the equation. Being told with words and/or nonverbal communication that you are not worthy of God’s love would drive anyone away. Sometimes the judgment is subtle, and sometimes it’s overt. Christians often fall into the trap of judging external things like: job, wealth, the car, the school the kids attend, clothing, appearance, education – even by the church one attends. And this judgment keeps people at a distance by design. It basically says, “I have already decided about you, so don’t come any closer.” Judgment is the religious method of excluding. 

 

Another component is the fact that many Christians lead a kind of “double life,” or are unable to freely reveal who they really are – faults, wounds and all. As a result, there is the religious person and then the “regular” person. The Sunday morning “me” and the rest of the week “me.” I am the first to admit that following Christ is not easy. But when Christians play this game of pretending, it is easily seen through. It’s discouraging, it’s an ineffective witness, and it doesn’t build trust. So, you can see that when someone is thinking about coming to church for the first time, or returning to church, the idea of going to a place where the people are acting in ways that don’t build trust – as a way of operating – it’s kind of scary.

 

Church is also made scary by the expectation that you need to be holy, perfect and whole when you arrive. There is a myth that life as a Christian is problem-free. And it is truly mythical – God does not promise an easy road – He promises a purposeful road lined with sanctification, comfort and hope that ultimately leads to Him. Yet we seem to want to perpetuate this myth. It is getting dressed up or putting on a good face – that is what many do. Not only that – before you enter, you better know the Bible really well, sing in key, don’t have tattoos, and look like you have it all together. In many churches, sadly, there is little room for brokenness or being at the end of your rope and really needing the Lord. So, I can imagine how scary it would be to worry about whether your brokenness is showing.  

 

Can we be honest? We are all broken. No one is whole or perfect. Some are healthier than others. Some people have just learned how to hide the brokenness better than others.

 

Finally, it doesn’t dispel fears when churches often become a home of division, criticism and conflict. Many people live in some form or degree of conflict and are looking for…peace. Churches were meant to be safe places – sanctuaries, right? But whether we read it in the media or hear about from others, churches can be very scary places in the way Christians treat fellow Christians. Pastors and leaders are relentlessly criticized and often left undefended; factions within churches wage “wars” to protect “their” church; grudges and hard feelings overwhelm efforts at reconciliation; people leave if they aren’t getting what they want. “That’s no different than the rest of the world,” many seeking peace conclude.  

 

Some good news?

 

Often, the people in churches who are judging, faking it, imposing outrageous expectations, and being divisive are usually just hurting people who are in need of grace, too. They are in need of being lovingly confronted and taught – which often doesn’t happen because the rest of the Christians who are earnestly trying are either too polite or afraid to do that.

 

In my experience, most of the people I have come to know and love in churches are extraordinary and faithful people, who love the Lord and want to share that love and grace with others.

 

Here’s the thing: Jesus said and demonstrated, “and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away (John 6:37).” And since we are His body here on earth until He returns, we need to be imitating Him. And one of the main ways we can do that is to treat people as He would have us do, including those who are earnestly seeking Him.

 

That is the way church started out in the beginning. They were known as the “People of the Way” with room for anyone seeking Him. And then somewhere along that “way,” it became “for us” meaning whoever was already there, rather than “for them.” And thereafter, even today, many of the doors either closed or needed “keys.” 

 

And yet, I know this – that churches are the places through which God has chosen to begin to put the broken pieces of our lives, as well as the pieces of His kingdom, together. So, how do we transform the image of church from appearing like a Haunted House to many into an Open House filled with love and grace and the life-changing power of God’s Word and Spirit? How are we going to stop playing into the fears? How are we going to build trust?

 

Well, as with any new start…it begins with prayer. And in this case, a prayer of confession.

 

Let us pray…

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