Stuck

Hello! Here is this week’s Living Water. This is a remix of Sunday’s message. Great news – whether you have a pc or a mac you can listen to Walk With Me live on Wednesday nights – 8 pm on http://www.yfnradio.com. We also have just added several new affiliates around the nation. Thanks be to God! Christopher

Feeling stuck today?

Maybe you feel stuck at a job; in a relationship; in a rut or routine that’s not helping; in an addiction; in a spiritual valley; at an organization or group?

You’ve thought about getting out but it never happens. Something else always comes up; rationalizations and compromises are made.

Are you haunted by, or overly attached to the past? Do you often wish or even exist as if the past was great and anything present or new just doesn’t match up?

Or do you avoid thinking about the past altogether because it’s too painful or shameful?

Deep down you know something is not right…

Stay and fight for a solution? Start over? They sound good but seem impossible.

What about something new altogether? That’s it! But a new start…scary.

Let it go (even though you’ve tried so many times before)?

Still stuck, right?

Stuck in the middle between old and new; comfortable and reaching; liking and loving; numbed and compassionate; circling and devoted.

Though stuck may feel safe – it’s not truly alive.

Let’s talk about why we get stuck and how we might get un-stuck.

Here are some ways we get stuck: Denial (“It’s not really over,” and “It never happened” and “I don’t have a problem”) and Pride (“It’s not going/ending the way I want it to”) and Fear (“What will a new beginning be like; who will I be if ____ ends, or I let go?”). All of these together point to something we all wrestle with – avoiding truth, reality, endings and losing control. To make things worse, I cringe when I hear the phrases, “just move on” and “swept under the rug” because they don’t work and cause even more damage beyond being stuck.

As you might imagine, truly getting unstuck might have something to do with shifts on these two – avoiding endings and losing control. Professor Walter Brueggemann explains it as, speaking from a Biblical and spiritual perspective, “only embraced endings permit new beginnings.” Not partial, not hints of endings or temporary ones – only embraced endings.

And he’s right. The Bible is filled with only embraced endings enabling new beginnings. The cross is the ultimate embraced ending…Jesus willingly went to the cross (ending) so that the dominion of sin and death could end and the resurrection and new life would occur. But also, in Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:18) in which the son decided to return to his father and repent.

Listen to the words of Psalm 32 that is the voice of stuck to unstuck spiritually speaking, “While I kept silent, my bones wasted away…Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity…and you forgave the guilt of my sin… (Psalm 32:3, 5).” Do you see it? Suffering, strife while in denial or proud or afraid; then acknowledging the truth, embracing the need for God’s grace – new beginning – living forgiven.

Keep in mind, the “new” has already come – Jesus announced that the kingdom “has come near (Mark 1:15).” And in 2 Corinthians 5:17 we hear, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new has come.” So the denial, pride and fear can’t keep the new in anything from materializing (this is a key part of the Gospel). It’s whether or not we are going to engage it by first embracing whatever the appropriate ending is. And frankly when we are not engaged with the new that God is doing (which will always be life-giving), we are usually embracing things that are dying or of death.

So I want to say very lovingly to many of you today that yes it happened and it was awful and it was not your fault. I want to say lovingly that the guilt you carry from what you have done in the past is crushing and suffocating you. I want to lovingly say that there is a problem but you don’t have to suffer under it anymore. I am lovingly saying that you will still be you, in fact a more wonderful you than you have ever known. You know, “we are as sick as our secrets” and I am saying lovingly that all the pretending, denying, pride and fear are only hurting you and keeping you from the goodness and grace God wants to and is ready to pour out on your heart and soul. The irony of course is that to welcome and receive that healing and restoration, you have to embrace the truth of what has happened, what you’ve done, what you can’t control anymore, and what you fear; and it is in that embrace that it’s or their power over you will end and the healing and new beginning can begin.

Maybe it starts like this, “To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God…Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love for they are from of old…Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord (Psalm 25:1, 6-7).”

And when you lift up your soul and trust in Him above everything and everyone else, and He supplies you with the strength to embrace whatever ending you need to embrace today, He will absolutely be remembering you according to His love and grace. Then you’ll see that those dreams that seemed so far away will be as close as a whispered prayer. Those dreams of forgiveness and restored relationships, those dreams of getting clean or sober, those dreams of being free of guilt and the expectations of others, those dreams of being and feeling loved unconditionally, those dreams of living fearlessly and purposefully, those dreams of the past being the past, those dreams of no longer being defined by past events or decisions, those dreams of having a future with hope, those dreams of finally more fully experiencing the joy and peace of God’s presence.

Amen.

Rev. Christopher B. Wolf

Isaiah 42:7

cbrianwolf@gmail.com

http://www.christopherbwolf.com

Christopher B. Wolf is pastor of First Reformed Church of Saddle Brook and is the author of Giving Faith a Second Chance: Restarts, Mulligans and Do-Overs (2007) and With You Every Step of the Way; and the host of Walk With Me, Wednesdays 8 pm on WYFN 94.9 FM-NY and on http://www.yfnradio.com.

“It is a matter of sharing and bearing the pain and puzzlement of the world so that the crucified love of God in Christ may be brought to bear healingly upon the world at exactly that point.
N.T. Wright

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The Biggest Sinners

So I know that I am late in grasping the phenomenon of the television show The Biggest Loser (the finale was last night). But having watched just a few episodes, I wanted to share some interesting spiritual connections. As you may know it is a reality show where people who are dangerously overweight, with professional medical, nutrition and fitness help, compete to lose the most amount of weight – thus the bigger loser (of weight).

Well, in order for this to work, I need you to switch weight for sin. In other words, if the contestants on the show have serious weight problems – I want us for this discussion’s sake to imagine what sin makes us look like on the inside. Both sin and weight can have devastating effects on our lives – internal and externally.

For example, Psalm 32 tells us about the effect of sin on us internally, “When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up (The Message).”

On the show, people acknowledge that there is a serious problem and that it is time to change. The reasons often given are improved health, overcoming the past, or being a good example for their kids.

How is this different from sin? They’re no different – with possibly the exception that sin can be easier to hide (for a while).

The show is about the journey of the participants to change their lives – to make a real, actual transformation. It’s visible as they lose the weight. Jillian and Bob, the trainers, are part counselors, part drill sergeants, but they’re always focused on one thing – transformation. Through dieting, exercise, and reflection; owning and trying to cease negativity about themselves; and getting to the core of related issues, these people push and are pushed and challenged.

How is this different from the way Christianity and churches often operate? Unfortunately, it’s very different. Here’s how… (And remember, we’re switching the very visible issue of weight for the often less-visible issue of sin in our lives.)

For example, churches often don’t take the problem (sin) very seriously out of a desire to not offend anyone. In terms of the show, it would be like having contestants who all weigh 400 pounds and talking about their cars or their hair or just giving them different outfits – anything else but the actual situation. Listen, if we don’t talk about and take sin seriously, it will destroy people and churches – as it has already. Also, if we don’t take sin seriously, there’s no need for a savior; Jesus didn’t have to go to the cross. Please hear me – if there is no sin, there is no grace – in theory or in real life.

Now it doesn’t mean we dwell on the sins – because once confessed, God remembers them no more. Again, Psalm 32, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Gone. Done. But how many of us carry around sin as if it were 400 pounds of weight – afraid to confess it to God out of guilt or pride as well as not being able to talk to others about it either. It is a silent killer.

Now, on the show, even when trainers Bob and Jillian are hard on contestants, there is little to no judgment – their focus is on transformation. And even though competitors, other contestants are rarely judgmental.  Rather, they are encouraging. It creates an encouraging, authentic atmosphere where transformation is fostered.

Unfortunately, churches and Christians, usually because they don’t want to face their own sins, often focus on others’ sins and thereby create unsafe, judgmental atmospheres. Authentic confession is just not going to be possible there.

Guess what else won’t be possible there? Well, if no one is a sinner and we’re all “good people,” and if there actually are any sinners, but they can’t be honest about it – there will be no grace, growth or transformation. I mean, there is no need for them in that scenario. It sounds comical when I re-read it, but that is how many churches are operating.

On the show, weight loss and progress are met with celebration and the encouragement to do more. The amount of weight loss and progress determines winners for the show. But I can see how Jillian and Bob are encouraging of anyone who is trying – whether they win the show or not. Jesus talked about those who battle for new life, “Count on it – there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue (Luke 15:7, The Message).”

In churches, are growth and transformation celebrated? It’s kind of hard to when we’re pretending that it’s not necessary 😉 So that’s why churches often start to take too much pride in other things that are nice but aren’t central to the cross and to grace. There is a great book on this by Richard Stearns called, The Hole In Our Gospel.

Because the central thing is becoming more like Christ. We’re called to produce fruit in our lives and for the Kingdom. Christianity is, by its very nature, at its core, transformational – lost to found, hurt to healed, weak to strong, blind to seeing, sinful to forgiven, dead to alive and many others. Anywhere it is staying the same by choice or lack of effort – it is dying.

We need to improve at being a like Jillian and Bob by challenging people (including ourselves) to lovingly, fearlessly face sinfulness, embrace grace for themselves and others, and grow and transform closer to God’s best for us. After all, “Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new (2 Corinthians 5:17, The Message).”

Churches should be the places where the “biggest sinners” are welcomed, loved and grace-fully transformed. It’s exactly what Jesus did when he dwelled among us in the flesh. And you and I know, people in our families, communities, nation and world are crying out for help – crying out for a new start!

The most inspiring, touching stories of transformation and new life should come, not from a reality television show, but from communities of Christians who understand and acknowledge they are the biggest sinners and therefore the biggest winners (of grace), and in light and joy of that grace, radically love one another, and seek out others to radically love and restore.

Amen.

Discussion Questions

1. What is the state of your spiritual health? What are some ways to effectively measure it in terms of your relationship with God (in other words, not just using “activities.”)
2. What are some areas that need transformation and growth? What can you do about them?
3. If you belong to a church, what is the approach to transformation there? How is that working?
4. Do you need a new start or second chance today? Please feel free to email or contact me to talk about it more

Rev. Christopher B. Wolf

Isaiah 42:7

cbrianwolf@gmail.com

www.christopherbwolf.com

Christopher B. Wolf is the author of Giving Faith a Second Chance: Restarts, Mulligans and Do-Overs (2007) and the forthcoming, With You: Every Step of the Way (2011).

“It is a matter of sharing and bearing the pain and puzzlement of the world so that the crucified love of God in Christ may be brought to bear healingly upon the world at exactly that point.” N.T. Wright

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Learning to Let Go

There are these twin trees in my neighbor’s back yard. Here it is in December and one of the trees is barren but the other one still has nearly all its leaves. When I noticed it yesterday, I thought that was strange. It has been windy enough and its twin has let go of its leaves. What is going on?

 

It made me think of the things we hold on to – long after we should. For example, there is this verse in Psalm 32 that talks about holding on to sins for too long, “While I kept silence (rather than confessing sins to the Lord) my body wasted away through my groaning all day long (3).” But we also hold on to many other things too long that aren’t healthy for us or others. We often hold on to many things for too long: relationships, people, things, jobs, guilt, the past, certain thinking, pain and other things. And we often hold on in the face of weathering forces. On one hand, I could look at the tree and think, “Ah, you brave tree, stand strong against the wicked winter winds!” We do this in our lives by rationalizing holding on. What may look brave, stubborn or principled may be absolutely counter to God what wants in a given situation and when in reality we are just making things worse for others and ourselves. 

 

Some other thoughts…

 

When we hold on too long, it affects us on the inside.

Like the verse above, when we hold on to anger, hurt, resentment, and frustration it literally affects us physically, mentally, spiritually and in our relationships. Another way to think of it is from this quote I found a while ago, “We are as sick as our secrets.” Think of some of things you know about yourself or others and how long you have been holding on to those things – it’s not healthy.

 

When we hold on too long, it makes it harder on us when God is doing something new.

Not sure about the tree, but if the leaves never fall off, won’t that affect the new shoots emerging in the spring? And with us, we know that God can do whatever He wants to do. But if you have ever felt His gentle nudges of something new starting the pain comes from holding on to something current or old. God is loving and He is purposeful and He will accomplish His will. Think about the time it takes us to move on to something new because we are holding on too long.

 

When we hold on too long, it disrupts the natural order of things.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,” says Ecclesiastes 3:1 and as you know it also says there is a time to live and a time to die. There is a time for a tree to let go of its leaves – and there is a reason for it. Spring always comes after winter. Likewise there is a time for us to hold on and to let go.

 

When we hold on too long, it may be because we are afraid.

Another reason we hold on too long is because we are so afraid of what things may look like without what we are holding onto. That fear is real. But fear is the opposite of faith. Sometimes we ask the question, “Who will I be, if I let go of this person, place or thing?” And the faith answer is that when you let go of anything, you may be transformed but in God’s eyes, thanks to Christ, you are always the same treasured person. 

 

Is this tree in my neighbor’s yard thinking, “If I let go of my leaves, I may never grow leaves again, spring might never come, or I might die if I let my leaves go.” Not sure, this of course, if trees could think J. But this inner dialogue probably sounds a little familiar to all of us.

 

When we hold on too long, we aren’t trusting in the Lord.

Often when we are holding on for too long, it is because we don’t trust that the Lord will…take care of it, forgive, heal, start something new. Whatever “it” is when we hold on for too long, we are often thinking we know better – when we don’t. We forget that God wants only the good for us (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11) and so we don’t trust that letting go could be the gateway to something new, amazing or healing.

 

When I think about all the time I have wasted holding on to ideas, dreams (of mine, not God’s) and a lot sorrows for too long all because I thought I could fix things, or make them happen or heal myself – when I should have just let go – it’s just sad…

 

About as sad as a tree with all its leaves in mid-December with snow on the ground.  

 

Amen.

 

Discussion Questions

1. Can you think of some things in you life you are holding on to for too long? Could be internal or external.
2. How do we actually let go of someone or something? Have you ever experience that?
3. A big part of letting anything go relies on discernment (praying and listening for God’s will) – how do we effectively discern?
4. How is fear the opposite of faith?

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Letting Go

Letting Go

Psalm 32:3

There are these twin trees in my neighbor’s back yard. Here it is in December and one of the trees is barren but the other one still has nearly all its leaves. When I noticed it yesterday, I thought that was strange. It has been windy enough and its twin has let go of its leaves. What is going on?

It made me think of the things we hold on to – long after we should. For example, there is this verse in Psalm 32 that talks about holding on to sins for too long, “While I kept silence (rather than confessing sins to the Lord) my body wasted away through my groaning all day long (3).”

But we also hold on to many other things too long that aren’t healthy for us or others. We often hold on to many things for too long: relationships, people, things, jobs, guilt, the past, certain thinking, pain and other things. And we often hold on in the face of weathering forces. On one hand, I could look at the tree and think, “Ah, you brave tree, stand strong against the wicked winter winds!” We do this in our lives by rationalizing holding on. What may look brave, stubborn or principled may be absolutely counter to what God wants in a given situation and when in reality we are just making things worse for others and ourselves.   

Some other thoughts… 

When we hold on too long, it affects us on the inside. Like the verse above, when we hold on to anger, hurt, resentment, and frustration it literally affects us physically, mentally, spiritually and in our relationships. Another way to think of it is from this quote I found a while ago, “We are as sick as our secrets.” Think of some of the things you know about yourself or others and how long you have been holding on to those things – it’s not healthy.  

When we hold on too long, it makes it harder on us when God is doing something new.  Not sure about the tree, but if the leaves never fall off, won’t that affect the new shoots emerging in the spring? And with us, we know that God can do whatever He wants to do. But if you have ever felt His gentle nudges of something new starting the pain comes from holding on to something current or old. God is loving and He is purposeful and He will accomplish His will. Think about the time it takes us to move on to something new because we are holding on too long. 

When we hold on too long, it disrupts the natural order of things.“ For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,” says Ecclesiastes 3:1 and as you know it also says there is a time to live and a time to die. There is a time for a tree to let go of its leaves – and there is a reason for it. Spring always comes after winter. Likewise there is a time for us to hold on and to let go.  

When we hold on too long, it may be because we are afraid. Another reason we hold on too long is because we are so afraid of what things may look like without what we are holding onto. That fear is real. But fear is the opposite of faith. Sometimes we ask the question, “Who will I be, if I let go of this person, place or thing?” And the faith answer is that when you let go of anything, you may be transformed but in God’s eyes, thanks to Christ, you are always the same treasured person.   Is this tree in my neighbor’s yard thinking, “If I let go of my leaves, I may never grow leaves again, spring might never come, or I might die if I let my leaves go.” Not sure; this of course, if trees could think J. But this inner dialogue probably sounds a little familiar to all of us. 

When we hold on too long, we aren’t trusting in the Lord. Often when we are holding on for too long, it is because we don’t trust that the Lord will…take care of it, forgive, heal, start something new. Whatever “it” is when we hold on for too long, we are often thinking we know better – when we don’t. We forget that God wants only the good for us (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11) and so we don’t trust that letting go could be the gateway to something new, amazing or healing.  

When I think about all the time I have wasted holding on to ideas, dreams (of mine, not God’s) and a of lot sorrows for too long all because I thought I could fix things, or make them happen or heal myself – when I should have just let go – it’s just sad… About as sad as a tree with all its leaves in early December with snow on the ground. 

Amen. 

Discussion Questions

1. Can you think of some things in you life you are holding on to for too long? Could be internal or external.
2. How do we actually let go of someone or something? Have you ever experience that?
3. A big part of letting anything go relies on discernment (praying and listening for God’s will) – how do we effectively discern?
4. How is fear the opposite of faith?

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